Directory Review Policy: All featured sites are regularly reviewed by human reviewers to ensurequality and relevance.All listings are subject to regular review from our editorial team and are open to peer review by our active user community.

www footloosedating co uk-34

Or you cut off contact with all concerned and privately self-flagellate until you're suitably repentant for having so grossly exploited your relationship.

Chances of finding love: nil, because if you agree to go on this programme there must a rotten walnut where your heart should be.

Chances of catching an STI: not high with mum and dad spying on your every move. Would Like to meet BBC2 2001-2003 What you're missing: You are obnoxious, or shy, or divorce-traumatised, or schlumpy, and you want these traits to be thrashed out of you by a team including Lowri Turner, ‘flirt queen’ Tracey Cox and ‘confidence coach’ Jeremy Milnes, an unconfident-seeming former actor who around the same time was also employed to coach the inmates of Fame Academy to the very pinnacle of forgettableness.

SMC SEAT also offer SEAT servicing, SEAT parts and SEAT accessori...

What you're missing: Imagine you're a witch and your coven is awaiting delivery of a sacrificial goat, only instead of a goat it's a cocky young man, and instead of ritualistic chanting there is lightly saucy badinage.

You decide whether you fancy the man based on his skills - doing the funky worm, flexing his muscles, taking his shirt off - while he decides whether he fancies you based on your ability to keep upright on your skyscraper heels under the weight of hairspray and false eyelashes.

If you're the chosen one, Paddy Mc Guinness will send you off on a date to the mythical isle of Fernando's, so you'd better be ready to put on a bikini and drink giant cocktails.

If you're not chosen, you await the arrival of the next goat.

What you're missing: MTV's Date My Mom - where you go on dates with a selection of moms in order to choose whose offspring to be paired up with, then when you have sex with them you can't stop picturing their mom - wasn't warped enough for your taste.

Thankfully they then begat Parental Control: mother and father don't like your nogoodnik boyfriend, so they audition a parade of men and select two suitors they deem more eligible.

They then sit at home with your boyfriend, trading insults while they watch video footage of you on dates with each of the suitors; after which, you choose whether to stay with your boyfriend, or ditch him for one of your parents' selections.